The Conscious Awareness Project Day 1

This first hour of awareness is feeling very uncomfortable. I feel the turbulance inside of me. As I keep focused on staying aware of exactly what I am doing in each moment, my mind wants to throw up and lash out everything inside it…it wants to scream and shout, it feels very uncomfortable because it is not in control.

I can physically feel it in my solarplexus as a weight. This uncomfortablity maybe be because the first thing I do every morning after waking up is let my mind free, that is the time when it it is most active, goes off about everything good and bad.

But now I have shifted my awareness to that which Im doing in the very moment. My mind will have it’s chance to let loose and pour out everything, but only when it is time to do so and I can be completely aware of that as well, this way I can be aware of what’s going on in my mind, what thoughts I’m having.

—– Side-note —–

It’s a funny thing, just a little while ago while i was in the shower, I kept my awareness on what I was doing, not letting my mind stray and go bananas with all it’s thoughts It wanted to lash out very badly, it go very uncomfortable. But, now that I am allowing it to speak, with awareness and observation, it doesn’t have much to say.

—– Side-note —–

The thing I find though, is when you think with awareness, impure thoughts are not possible. I learned this from journaling, while I’m journaling I hardly ever have thoughts which are not in alignment with me.

Awareness gets rid of all the crap, the more aware you are the more real you are.

When you do things with awareness, you do things right! I realized this right now pouring my cup of tea. I usaully end up spilling a lot of it as I pour from pot to cup then cup to cup to cool it…i did it with awareness and didn’t spill any!

With awareness I feel no need to do anything. But to reside in my awareness. I feel no need to do my personal development, for all it will do is try to teach me how to be aware. But can you be taught how to be aware? Where is the teaching in that. Just be aware.

With awareness the only urge I have is to share that which is coming form within me with the world. I have no more desires, no more dreams. Just to be here in this moment, in every moment with an awareness and allow the Universal Energy to flow through me, and then share that energy with the world. All else is nonsense, I don’t care for it.

Now, how can I go in the direction of my dreams? I no longer have any! I have become dispassionate..lol. No more passion resides within me and I love it! Because now all I can do is LOVE! AWARENESS!